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my randomness

several attempts have dawned on me
i cant give you a count but i had several
i called you,maybe thrice
and surely, my attempt failed
you didnt pick up, since your stupid pride held you up to high
but then again, it could be good
its all good i must say...
prolly i need some of that pride of yours.
i attempted, for once, in this darn life
to tell someone how i darn feel
actually i got through it
but i ended getting through with you.
how must i feel when my senses
wont see any point of holding on to you.
i had not the least first jumps when i knew you
and you know what, nothing had ever stopped me
in those instances, well, i turned my back on them
and took the plunge until i reached rock bottom.
right now, I cant see the signs that'll tell me which way to go.
prolly ill look for a map but then again,
i might not need one.
i do what i feel so i have no regrets.
i have no one to blame, not even myself
for i know i never let a chance pass me by
i was hurt, you made me cry
not only once
not even just twice.
i gave so much in this uhm..
i cant even define
but we had our days
we were ok, i was ok.
this world is chaotic
this place is never certain
for i cant speak of what im sure of
maybe i dont know my very self
thats why i cant see you through.
im just sorry for how things turned out
only if you cant stop thinking about me
only if you are with me as i sail in deep thinking.
i dont know if ill ever see you
because i lost you right there
i just cant take you back
for you were stolen.
and i was boxed.
right here, right now
thats all i have to say.
maybe tomorrow the wind would blow me somewhere
but then again, maybe it might not even come.
i am in circles
i am for now.

a love that lived

we have never been more grateful
the perfect message of love you have defined
with vibrance and magic you fill it
leaving pride and doubts behind
you know that when you are together
you will stand the storms to come
we have faith that you'll always be
a living message of love.

RIVERMAYA - IF
If i could choose to live my life
there'll be no if's to say
if i would choose to hold ur hand
there'll be no words to say
without thought
without pride
leave the things that see to weaken us
without fear
leave your lies
let the magic turn ur life around
around...
if i would choose to touch u there
will u touch me there too
if u would choose to stay with me
i'll spend my life with u
without thought
without pride
leave the things that seem to weaken us
without fear
leave ur lies
let the magic turn ur life around

second try... (while listening to rivermaya's if)

twenty five years of love
we've seen you hold hands
exchange kisses and warm hugs
never have we heard you fight
about losing grip of your love
there's nothing else that we hope for ouselves
but to have the same family that we have
witnesses are we
for the sacred vow you have kept
for all these years of laughter and pain
we have been prouder
for we have parents who lived the full meaning of love.

i have never thanked God like this
until i saw these things
i felt like crying
overwhelmed and surprised
for the vows you kept
in your hearts and in your minds.
i will be forever grateful
for love has filled our home
there's none a child could ask for
but to have your love abound.
these rings may be tokens
of this special silver day
but in it your children are hoping
that together forever you will stay.

I FEEL LIKE A GRADESCHOOLER!! help me shakespeare!

ooooooooooooopssssssssssssssssssss.... just to set the record straight :

I DONT LIKE WENG. I JUST CRUSH HIM WHEN HE SINGS. ALIEN!!!

another post from me,, yay!! para kay kai balbs! idol! ehhehehe... thanks pla kai for shattered like. i relaly like it in a shattered kind of way. hahaha.. i love you!

anyhoo! glen and ivan chilled at my homebase and stayed til 1130. i find ivan really cool and fun. i hate it when paul and weng say stuff bout him. anyways, my bestfriend and I went to THE ART STORE by beverly. we and the babies ate at in and out. yum! i had protein style cheeseburger and a bobba. bobba is my only source of carbs nowadays. alien!

right now, i wanna read, read, and read... I wanna read paulo coelho's the alchemist, i wanna read tin's books, the animal farm, kurt vonnecut, and ofcourse the Bible. I wanna learn about great artists including Filipino ones, and I wanna learn how to prepare Sushi. These are some of my short term goals for the first quarter of the year. no boys for now.... it would be all about me muna.

i was planning to change the template of my blog today but i guess id do it some other day.

thats all folks! ahhahahaha :)

AS PER REQUEST BY KAI BALBS DA RAKER! **mwah**
yesterday: brought steve to LAX; had white chocolate boba with fem; shower day ;) ; dressed up as "ali", which is short for alibangbang--- of the rich girls; went to melrose and bought a shirt for tomorrow night; ate sushi c/o sitsi as in sitsiritsit, as in pemari ; and a yucky eb with t*d.. ulkkkk; had avocado shake to calm me down
today: i attempted to clean our closets; did the laundry; received a picture file from a friend; ate steak quesadilla for late lunch; ate at max's with fem; blogged
tomorrow's attempts: pay health insurance in school; go clubbing and meet cutie patuties... looking forward to meet armer and joe; finish segregating my clothes and organizing my closets; will try to blog

PS: kai! tinatamad na ako! goodnight!

warning: another short entry!!! but, hear ye, hear ye!

fem, steve, tin, ipe, and myself (without kai, sucks) went snowboarding at mountain high, san bernardino. there were lotsa people since its martin luther day, but its all good. i really didnt feel like snowboarding since im not so fond of slipping on ice... anyhoo, like what steve said, i just have to let out this curiosity about the sport. it aint easy and it takes good leg muscles to keep you on the go. we had countless falls. bruises, and chills... its all part of the package, its all good. i didnt take off my lift pass until i got home though. i kinda felt "left out" in a way since i dont have a partner with me. si kai kase eh! hehehe... after 9 hours of snowboarding, we hang out at kai's and went to downtown disney to tour around steve and fem. and to wrap up the day, we had bobba at boba loca as per request by mr. steve... i think thats it!! imma post pictures tomorrow!

PS: i wanna shop at urban outfitters! they got good sale items going! hehehe ;) nad i hope llewy got me something from pinas! hehehe.

new year's eve with bessy kai :)

top knots for lai:
1) cherry blossoms
2) coffee with friends
3) good music
4) italy and my camera
5) cute boyfriend
6) an audi, or a boxster
7) palawan
8) britney spears body
9) good paying, stable job
10) hot air balloon ride
11) house in tuscany
12) drum lessons
13) house beside kai's
14) nice weather
15) snow boarding with friends
16) rosy cheeks
17) doggies
18) my own family
19) 2 kids
20) surprises, good ones

kiss me oh kiss meeeeeeeee.... (lason syndrome ;))

anyhoo! i just watched "the last samurai" with grid at amc16.. lately, ive been enjoying endless conversations over a cup of coffee. maybe its the weather, that i feel like being with really good friends whom I have lost touch with. right now, im trying to reach out to my long lost friends through phone calls muna for now. they are my friends and i would love to hear from them about just anything! haaayyy.. im learning a lot this year and im proud of that. some chards of the past year are now in oblivion and i just bear in mind that it really happens and that there are so much coming my way this year that i have to tackle with, which i will. whew! how can i be so vague in my own journal? lolz, its an online one.
moving on.... the last samurai was really interesting. aside from the fact that shin played the role of the samurai's son, the complexity of two cultures (american and japanese's) merging in one plane was really a marvel. now i want to be a japanese! hehehe... well, aside from my penchant for cherry blossoms and for nippongo, it is very refreshing to find out that culture says a lot on the people's values. although i wouldn't want to die in battle for glory, i admire the shogunate's passion in their fields.
the most indwelling shot of the movie for me was taka's (the wife of a dead samurai) sentiments. her husband died and she must be proud of it since he died in the battlefield, out of duty, and of honor. she even housed nathan (tom cruise) who killed her husband. but deep within her, it was hard for her to have nathan around for this very fact. tradition was the resounding reason for her to hold on to this set up. this may be strong enough to hold her intact, but accepting nathan's apologies was all she needed to get through it all. nice!!!
anyhooo!!!!! myself and ingrid met up with cha at starbux burchett... saya! i miss them and im excited that all of us will be nurses in no time ;) mas masaya kung isang hospital lang kameng apat, with llewy ofcourse, or prolly with yelena as well... haayy! i cant wait!

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then I'll go :
you gave me more to live for,
more than you'll ever know.

This is our last embrace,
must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Baby, maybe it is just because I didn't know you at all.

Kiss me, please,
Kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know,
it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.

Did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"
and did you rush to the phone to call?
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,
"maybe... you didn't know him at all."

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memory
Of her sighs that, "it's over... it's over..."


Jeff Buckley -- Last Goodbye
Kai hooked me up on this song... kaw bessy may kasalanan!! hehehe.. i love you!